Friday, October 3, 2008

Lard marketing

I really hate lard marketing. It is very demeaning and cheapens the products in question. Lard marketing is when someone takes a product, ads a bunch of crap to it, and sells it as a better product. By crap I mean 'X' marketing, and things of the such. For example, I saw a Jimmy Johns advertisement that said, "Subs so fast you'll freak." Another example, lots of companies are using the following format for their business name, "X-Treme Verb" For example, X-Treme Auto-Care, X-Treme Lawn Care, X-Treme Graphics Design. Unless these companies yell at you when you enter, I doubt there is anything extreme about their services, and if there was I would be sure to not use their service. When someone fixes my car, I want it to be as unextreme as possible. I want to tell you the problem, hand you me keys, and have it fixed. To me, extreme would be you give it back with more stuff broken, or you argue with me about something. I don't want that. Just fix it and let me go away.
Gatorade has also bought heavily into the lard marketing. They have flavors like Fast Lightning, and Tropical Snow. These aren't real names, I don't think, but it's the format they use for naming their drinks. I want names like Lemonade or Fruit Punch. I have purchased a few of these lard drinks out of curiousity, and more accurate names would be Dangerous Feces or Insane Barf, because these names more accurately describe their flavour.
Throwing Green on everything is another one. I saw a sign for YellaWood. It simply had their mascot guy with a very smug grin and read "Envrionmentally Preferable Product." Preferable over what? The other guy selling plutonium made houses? That's a pretty relative claim that doesn't really mean much without any context. This is thrown on so much stuff today. Everything is Green this or Green that, when it seems that what would be really green is not purchasing your product at all and stop the overconsuming that is depleting our resources and filling up our dumpsters.
When I buy something I don't want bullshit. Bullshit doesn't help me make a better decision. Tell me what you are selling me and for how much. Once you start going off on tangents, my BS meter goes off and I start looking elsewhere.